Decatur, IL (WAND) – February marks Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, a time advocates said is critical to start conversations with young people about what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like.
At Dove Inc., educators have worked to raise awareness about a problem that often goes unnoticed.
“Teen dating violence would be a pattern of coercive control that one person is using against a person they’re dating,” said Amanda Elven, education and awareness lead at Dove Inc. “So teen dating violence would be anyone 12 to 18 who is experiencing that coercive control.”
That control can take many forms, and Elven explains it is not always physical. The abuse can include emotional manipulation, isolation, or sexual coercion.
“It might look like emotional abuse, like put-downs, name-calling, spreading rumors and trying to humiliate somebody,” she explained.
In many cases, those behaviors start subtly and escalate over time.
“Often it starts very subtly … saying that that person wants to spend more time with the person experiencing abuse,” Elven said. “And then that person is spending more and more time with the person they’re dating, and they’re isolated from those other important relationships in their life.”
Advocates, like Elven, said that isolation is one of the biggest warning signs for family and friends to watch for.
“If you’re seeing that isolation where somebody is spending less time with people that they care about … if they’re losing interest in things that have been important to them in the past,” Elven said, those can be red flags.
Other warning signs include increased anxiety, depression, or teens making excuses for their partner’s behavior.
The issue is more common than many realize. According to Dove Inc., one in three teens will experience some form of dating abuse.
“Teens very rarely will tell anybody that they are experiencing this abuse,” Elven said. “Maybe they’re not recognizing that it’s abusive, or maybe they’re feeling ashamed.”
That’s why advocates stress the importance of open conversations.
“It’s important that everyone is talking with the young people in their life so that they can begin to identify behaviors to look out for,” Elven said.
For those who believe a teen may be in an unhealthy relationship, experts say how you approach the conversation matters.
She also warns against criticizing the partner directly, which can push teens away.
“If we say … that person you’re dating is a controlling narcissist, then that person is likely to take a defensive posture,” Elven said. “But if we can point out that those behaviors are concerning, then we can have that conversation that may help them get the safety they need.”
Instead, she encourages adults to focus on safety, support and keeping communication open, even if the teen is not ready to leave the relationship.
“There’s a good chance that they may continue that relationship in secret, and they won’t have the support they need when they’re ready,” Elven said.
Dove offers confidential services for teens and families, including a 24-hour hotline at 217-423-2238, where advocates are available to provide guidance and support.
